I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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