saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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