help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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