my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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