apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this just has baby written all over it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
do nipples grow back?
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