Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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