Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize