We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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