Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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