my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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