i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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