Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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