Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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