you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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