If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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