How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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