I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I know her cup size but not her name....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize