On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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