My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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