if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize