I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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