hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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