Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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