like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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