i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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