Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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