His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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