First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize