Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize