her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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