Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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