Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize