what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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