My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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