allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize