like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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