You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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