Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize