Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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