you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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