Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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