I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize