Will you blow on my dice?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize