It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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