ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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