My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As shirtless as possible
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize