dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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