2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
PANTIES FOUND
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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