so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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