tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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